Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
