You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
