Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
