rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sarcasm needs its own font
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
