She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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