meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
