If that was your dad, he is hot
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
