my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
