we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
