Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
