Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
