so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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