can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
