I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
