I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
