Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
