He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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