I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
