can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
