you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
