it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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