Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
