Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
