I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
