I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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