i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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