I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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