i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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