Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
