i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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