There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
