the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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