we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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