Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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