His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
