textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
