That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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