I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
