I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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