i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
