he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
