Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
