We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
