Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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