He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
