i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
