??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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