oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
