is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
