And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
