I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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