My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
