No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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