you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
