yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize