i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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