I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
