dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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