I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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