When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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