Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
