All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
