we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
