i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize