Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
