My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
