my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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