My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
