i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
