i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
