I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
