AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
