I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
