so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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