Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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