Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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