i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
