his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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