Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
