You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
